35+ of the Freshest and Funniest Tweets of the Week (March 15, 2025)

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  • 01
    ACTION CENE DIRECTOR MERA TAKE SOUND: HE ist 2025 Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz There should just be one Oscar and it should be passed from movie to movie like the heavyweight champion belt Best Director Adapted Screenplay B est Supporting Actress est Actress pporting Actor - Best Castu Costume Desig Documentary Best Document Best Original Sear Bond Sound The Owca
  • 02
    Chandler Rebel @ChandlerRebel *when they bring the filets out at Fogo de Chão* . 10:01 PM 3/4/25 1.1M Views 227 11.6K 22K 757 ↑
  • 03
    Duke of Gatanga @dnkariuki I just received my electricity bill. I think they billed me for sunlight, divine light, and the light at the end of the tunnel. 1:18 PM 3/3/25.3.8M Views 878 17 22K 163K 6.3K ↑
  • 04
    Hoops → @HoopMixOnly Do ACLs only exist so they can tear? You never hear about an ACL doing anything good. B*itchass ligament. 10:05 PM 3/3/25 9.9M Views 887 20K 269K ☐ 8.5K 企
  • 05
    Redd B @ReddCinema not having to bring my backpack to the last day of elementary school was the last time i truly felt free 8:44 AM 3/3/25 2.8M Views 303 13K 169K 2.6K 企
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    Brian Schmid @SchmanthonyP What a wild career Adrian Brody has had, he's like the Eli Manning of acting, he's somehow won two of these and mostly thrown a lot of interceptions otherwise. 10:24 PM 3/2/25 1.1M Views 85 7814 18K 829 I
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    Sara @sarahookr The first step of any meaningful pursuit is to severely underestimate its difficulty. 2:33 PM 3/2/25 4.3M Views 111 1 1.5K 9.7K 1.2K
  • 08
    Rebecca Alter @ralter fetterman when he has to go to work to vote 'yes' on 1 billion more bombs or whatever 7:22 PM 3/2/25 852K Views . 22 11.5K LIVE abc 42K 677 企
  • 09
    @Skyyyuh Can we PLEASE stop abbreviating "white" to "yt"??? That sh means YouTube • Last edited 10:15 AM 2/27/25 6.9M Views 2.2K 28K 433K ☐ 5.3K
  • 10
    Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz There should just be one Oscar and it should be passed from movie to movie like the heavyweight champion belt 1:49 AM 3/2/25 .31K Views 6 . 1775 1.2K 11 企
  • 11
    trash jones @jzux by age 30 you should have one harrowing friendship breakup that you talk about with the fragile stoicism of a Vietnam veteran 1:35 PM 3/1/25 2.9M Views 330 1 16K 114K ☐ 7.8K ↑
  • 12
    microplastics envelope filter @DiabolicalSpuds There is a percentage of the population that inexplicably doesn't accelerate on freeway on- ramps and tries to get on the highway going 30 mph and I do not understand it • 6:57 AM 3/1/25 - 4M Views 1.5K t 10K 142K ☐ 2.8K 企
  • 13
    skooks @skooookum "I'm gonna text her" 8:23 PM 2/28/25 3.1M Views 222 1 7.5K 87K 5.7K 企
  • 14
    Nicolas J Cassard @jaenicc 1:58 into a 2 hour meeting "Here's a few minutes of your day back" 3:58 PM 2/27/25.4M Views 117 1 5.9K 192K ☐ 4K ↑
  • 15
    Ruby → @ysk100k B Common cold would run through that b tomb raider omg like a Rhoniic @Rhoniicbtw. 1d This is a GREAT idea. Why not put child care centers in retirement homes? 7:15 PM 3/4/25 8.4M Views L
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    shreya @shreyabasu003 DC subway ads: We Are a Defense Contractor. Yes, We Are NYC subway ads: hey girlypop! Are you fat? Kill yourself love, hers 12:32 PM 3/5/25 1M Views 46 17 2K 46K 1.6K
  • 17
    GREG POPABITCH @yourcousinalex_ I lost my key fob for my apartment complex. They charge $85 for a replacement. I went on amazon and found a blank fob for $10, brought that bitch into the office and told them it's not working and they swapped me out. Can't believe these mf's tried to my pockets like that Imao. 6:21 PM 3/4/25 5.2M Views 586 14.8K 116K 7.1K ↑
  • 18
    erica @ericanextdooor sorry i can't go out tonight i'm at home sitting down 3:05 PM 3/5/25 102K Views • 10 1.3K 6.3K ☐ 170
  • 19
    @heavensbvnny [seductively takes off glasses] wow you're blurry 12:30 AM 3/5/25 500K Views 52 14.9K 22K ☐ 1.3K
  • 20
    the cumpound ❤ @TheCumpound game night 12:25 PM·3/5/25·983K Views 129 ↑↓ 2.9K Guess Who 56K 口 2.3K 企
  • 21
    ANM. @_anm_xyz dating discourse is so funny because the people who want certain things and the people who don't mind providing it, never seem to want each other 9:29 AM 3/3/25 3.2M Views 301 tz 15K 162K 9.1K ↑
  • 22
    TM @bash18c These days you gotta have a job for the bills & another job for yourself 1:37 PM 3/3/25 1.8M Views .. 222 17 18K 104K 3K 1
  • 23
    mariana @pastapilled Ben Affleck: doctorbattle @doctorbattle. 1d dated a girl w the same first name as an ex of mine. still got yelled at when saying her name sometimes because she "could tell i meant the other one" 9:52 AM 3/6/25 1.1M Views 25 [ 3.1K 45K 900 ↑
  • 24
    frankie @frankieats finally completed a very important task i've been avoiding for several months. it took 8 minutes and zero effort on my part and i felt immediate and immense relief. i probably won't learn from this 9:54 PM 3/5/25 4.5M Views . 317 17 39K 313K ☐ 14K ↑
  • 25
    chance @chanceposts she calls me paul atreides because of what my worm is dune two her 11:54 PM 3/2/25.6M Views 426 17 15K 194K 14K ↑
  • 26
    -90s 90s WWE WWE @90sWWE Me hugging my wife before bed after telling her I'll be right up, while staring directly at my PS5 . 1:08 PM 3/3/25 3.1M Views 195 14.8K W TO 58K ☐ 2.5K 企
  • 27
    The Sietch of Sci-fi The Sietch of Sci-Fi @TSOS A young woman on my 11 hour flight watched Dune Part II, then apparently discovered that there is a Part I, watched that and then rewatched the entirety of Part II and I think she may have had the best time of her life. 3:05 PM 3/6/25 1.6M Views 180 1 4.1K 126K 2.9K ↑
  • 28
    Dr. Proud Yawdman @ChrisPinnock1 My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me. 5:58 AM 3/6/25 3.5M Views 614 14K 221K 6.4K
  • 29
    vinstar @Vinslays7 My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend's lame jokes rn. Be patient Queen, a true clown is on the way 8:16 AM 3/3/25.5.6M Views 483 t 21K 201K ☐ 11K
  • 30
    Washingtons ghost ✪ @hartgoat I'm VP brother 6:05 PM 3/6/25 197K Views 121 17584 Grok 9.2K 245 企
  • 31
    Oxtail Pricing Specialist @simsimmaaz If that's not symbolic as h I. Is that a sign from the universe? LMAOOO Anonymous @YourAnonCentral. 1d Canada goose fights off a bald eagle that tried to attack it, after 20 minutes the Eagle ran off. 7:36 AM 3/6/25 8.7M Views 676 140K 470K 17K ↑
  • 32
    jeje⭑ @JestJeJe All my EXES used to be like "you not going nowhere" now look at me... GONE 9:11 AM 3/5/25 241K Views 243 2.4K 9.2K 569
  • 33
    bryn → @wydbryn $1k for brakes?? nvm bro, i'll just stick my arm out the window and grab the car next to me 11:58 AM 2/27/25 66K Views 125 434 3K 96 ↑
  • 34
    snubnose frankenstein @snubdogg you never gone hear me say "i hate to break it to you" i love breaking it to mfs. one of my favorite things to do. 9:32 PM 2/24/25 686K Views 96 1 6.8K 25K 1.1K ↑
  • 35
    James Blunt @James Blunt Depends where I put it. Liam @liiamcam.15h Bit of James Blunt never hurt 9:16 AM - 3/7/25 2.5M Views 518 17 2.6K 42K
  • 36
    victoria @victoriaedel scams used to be like "free money!" and now they're like "hello we have a job for you" which seems to be a bad sign • 12:08 PM 3/6/25 2.2M Views 86 17K 203K 3.6K ↑
  • 37
    Author SIR3 @therealSIR3 Before it was carved, Mt. Rushmore's natural beauty was unpresidented... 2:20 PM 3/6/25 3.8K Views 9 ↑↓ 21 105 ☐ 3 1
  • 38
    duke of girl @sh_wnee that was me. i used that money to become a girl popculturediedin2009 @pcd2009. 8/22/16 Tara Reid gives $20 to a dog, 2006 5:34 PM 2/24/25 2.2M Views 58 17 4K 106K ☐ 1.6K ↑
  • 39
    lea chin-sang @bigfatmoosepssy this guy will not leave me alone 280 Thomas the Tank Engine > iMessage Yesterday 3:33 PM did you did you see all those plane crashes ha ha yeah :) Trains are back on TOP Yes, Thomas. Okay That's nice, Thomas. Today 3:35 AM i want you. Read Yesterday

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